Friday, April 24, 2015

New Respect

I told you a few weeks back that I've been initiated into the "pumping and leaving my baby while I am away from home" motherhood life.

I've been doing pretty ok with the whole pumping thing. I am somewhat regular about taking time out of my day and expressing some liquid gold from myself. I've come up with a pretty decent size stash in the freezer (mostly of small amounts: 2-4 ounces per bag). I feel good about where I'm at in my pumping/working-outside-the-home journey.


I really do have to actually leave my baby.

Generally it hasn't been that bad. I'm only working outside the home part time. I'm honestly hardly gone long enough for her to even get very hungry. I AM gone long enough for her to have massive, scream her eyes out, drive her siblings and daddy nuts, all out meltdowns, though.

You see....she just turned 6 months old. And I've been with her almost every waking moment she's been alive. Much of the time wearing she's been very close to me. When I can't be here, she misses that. Apparently a lot. Like....super-sad-sobbing-can't-catch-her-breath misses that.

Oh, be still my heart. What have I done?

I know I'm doing what's right for our family and for myself by having a job where I have to leave. It has just really come at a hard time in her sweet little life. I feel so bad for her. And my dear husband who just wants her to be happy. And our darling other kiddos who have always done whatever they can to love on the baby. They all just wanna do whatever they can to help her.

The problem is.....she only wants me.


She doesn't even necessarily have to be nursing to be satisfied. She just wants me to hold her. Allthetime. As soon as I walk in the door and pick her up she's fine. She has a bit of separation anxiety me-thinks.

It doesn't help that for the past month or so she's definitively decided that naps are dumb.

So, you get an overly tired baby who only wants her mom when her mom isn't around? It's not good news, and she isn't happy. Hopefully this phase of getting used to me not being here passes quickly. It's really hard doing this whole attachment parenting thing when you can't be there to be attached to.

It will be ok though. I know she'll find her groove....just like I will....just like my husband and other kids will. It's the adjustment period that's so hard.

So for you moms who have been doing this from the beginning, I have a whole new-found respect for you! Leaving your babies is NOT easy.

Well, that said.....working from home isn't easy either. Nor is being a stay-at-home mom, I would imagine. They all come with different challenges.

One thing they all have in common though? Balance. They all need balance. I have not discovered my balance yet in this new venture, but I'm working on it.

For all of us....and hopefully sooner than later.



Jennifer Beck said...

I have no idea if this would help in your situation or not, but when I was babysitting a kiddo with stranger anxiety (she was 8 months) we finally hit on putting her in the stroller and taking her for long walks. She couldn't see me, but her siblings walked next to her so she didn't feel abandoned. Her parents were usually the ones to push the stroller, so she eventually forgot that it wasn't a business as usual family walk, relaxed and eventually fell asleep. Since mom wasn't gone long (or was sometimes hiding, doing some work from home), a nice long walk followed by a nap gave her the time she needed, and when the baby woke up, there was mom.

Evie said...

Oh, Jennifer - thank you so much for that suggestion! I might just have to try something like that :)