So this morning I did something that I've never done before.
I used a *real* pump to extract my milk so my sweet baby can eat when I'm not here.
Wow. I didn't realize the emotions that would go along with doing such a thing. I mean, there are thousands of moms that do it every day from the beginning. I am 5 months into baby number 3 and have done it just now.
I've helped moms get through pumping. I've given them tips and advice on how to do it effectively. I've researched ways to increase supply so that when they do pump they are getting enough to feed their sweet babe. But I had never actually done it myself.
I mean....I've never needed to.
Since our first arrived more than seven years ago now, I've always worked from home. I've been able to feed on demand and have just gotten really good at juggling baby, boob, and work....multi-tasking at its finest.
For the first time in my breastfeeding career, I'm needing to pump for the times that I'm not around, which is more often than it ever was with our first two babes.
So, why so emotional? I'm honestly not sure. It's such a mixture of emotions. I mean, I'm going to get to go somewhere and stay longer than two whole hours!? Oh, the FREEDOM that thought brings! I'm going to feel like I'm missing an arm or something if she's not with me, I think, though - ha!
And then there's the thought of actually *leaving* her. I mean....I have to leave her. For real. I'm going to walk out the door and not have to have my Rebekah Scott Designs "Phoebe" packed to the brim with clean diapers, a change of clothes if needed, toys to keep her entertained, and my Sakura Bloom. I'm not going to always be the one feeding/soothing/comforting her anymore.
I've always been the one to soothe/comfort/feed all of the kids. She'll be the first one that's not true for.
Oh, it'll be ok. And honestly the thought of not having to worry about her and her hunger needs when I'm not home is really super comforting. Like thousands of other moms, I will just have to be diligent about pumping so I have enough for her when I'm not here, and I just need to remember what I have told countless other moms: I'm pumping to feed her - I'm not feeding the freezer ;). As long as I have enough for her each day I'm not here, that's all I need.
Today I did pretty good for my first time. I got a whole ounce out of the breast that she had just eaten from, and a lot more from my "over-producing" side.
I feel good about it and I'm looking forward to our new venture as a breastfeeding/pumping/bottle-feeding mama-baby team.
Now......to get her to take a bottle. Hmmm. This could be interesting! ;)