Friday, September 27, 2013

To My Angel Baby

We talk about being a mommy here all the time. We talk about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and just being the best mommy we can be to our children. But what about the beautiful children that we don't get to meet? 

What about those precious babies that become angels before we get to see if they are going to have our eyes or their father's lips?

Losing a baby is something that is not talked about enough, and the unimaginable pain of it is something that needs to be supported.

Nicole, I'd like to thank you for sharing your letter to your angel baby with us today. I pray peace, love, and healing for your loss.

For those of you who have experienced the loss of a baby, I pray that this letter can encourage you in some way. May you all be blessed.

~Evie

Dear Sprout,

Today was the day that your father, your brother, and I were "due" to meet you, see your face, hold you in our arms. April 18, 2012 was the predicted date that you'd enter this world.

I can barely wrap my mind around the fact that it's been 32 weeks since your heart stopped beating. It's been 31 weeks since we found out you were gone. It sounds so recent, and somehow, it seems like forever ago. I sit here, tears falling softly down my face, as I remember how beautiful my life was with you in it, and how devastated I was when you left.

Somehow, though, I feel strong. I wonder how long that strength will last.

My goal for today, while I celebrate your Auntie Allie's 13th birthday, while also observing the life you barely began to live is simply to smile. I hope to fight back tears and carry on with the day. I want to embrace the joy you brought us, as I embrace your father and also your brother. We have gotten through the loss so far, and I know that we can continue onward.

While I am sad that your'e gone, I know you're in a better place. I know that you never suffered the cruelty that this world can bring upon a person. You lived, so briefly, in a serene, calm place, and then ever so quietly went to meet our Maker.

I know that He has held you in his arms, even though I was unable to hold you in my own.

I know that there's a purpose in all of this- in your short life inside of me and the eternal life you began living, what I deem to be "too soon," and while I often sit and wonder what it is, I have decided to let it go. Someday, I will know. Until then, I will just embrace the fact that you happened to me- to us, and that it was a perfect and beautiful gift.

In a way, I suppose I should thank you, too, for giving your father and I the chance to become parents once more- for giving Spencer the opportunity to be a big brother to your little brother or sister, who we currently call Bo. It breaks my heart that there is no way that the two of you could exist in this household, on this earth, living this life together, but again, I know that someday, we all will be reunited as a family. I know I will live my earthly life imagining, from time to time, the day that the reunion comes true.

Baby, sweet baby, I miss you. I love you. I thank you for giving us the opportunity to know you exist and to love you forever. I carry you with me always.

Someday, Sprout, I will hold you.

Love, Your Mommy

~Nicole

2 comments:

TERESE KEENAN said...

That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I have lost two little ones and it often breaks my heart to think of them. you worded it perfectly.

Nik said...

Terese,

Thank you for your comment, and for opening up about your own losses. I hope that you continue to find peace in the heartbreak. I know that it is a sad, lonely place to be, but I have faith, from my own experience, that someday, you can think of them and smile fondly, knowing you gave them life, even if only a tiny time.